A new take on English, or is it Spanish?

Ok, as my sister informed me, my blog postings are too serious. Not light hearted enough. I am lost in the dark, too far gone I guess. Well to show I am not yet beyond redemption I will share a few of the new ways to use words that I have learned from some of the Mexicans I have apprehended.

-Cheese

The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence.

Pepito replies: 'Maria likes me, but cheese fat.'

-Mushroom

When all of my family get in the car, there's not mushroom

-Shoulder

My fren wanted to become a citizen but she didn't know how to read, so I shoulder.

-Texas

My fren always Texas me when I'm not home, wondering where I'm at!

-Herpes

Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got my piece and she got herpes.

-July

Ju told me ju were going to that store and July to me! 'Julyer!'

-Rectum

I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!

-Juarez

One day my gramma slapped me and I said, 'Juarez your problem?'

-Chicken

I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.

-Wheelchair

We only have one enchalada left, but don't worry, wheelchair.

-Chicken Wing

My wife plays the lottery hoping chicken wing.

-Bishop

My wife fell down the stairs, so I had to pick the bishop.

-Body Wash

I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.